Crack the Sky.

We sent out the S.O.S. call. 
It was a quarter past four, in the morning 
When the storm broke our second anchor line. 
Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas {only}
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point. 

They call 'em rogues. They travel fast and alone. 
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong. 
What they call love is a risk, 
'Cause you will always get hit 
Out of nowhere by some wave 
And end up on your own. 

The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts,
To bail us out.
And flooded the engines and radio,
And half buried bow. 

Your tongue is a rudder. 
It steers the whole ship. 
Sends your words past your lips 
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth. 
But the wrong words will strand you. 
Come off course while you sleep. 
Sweep your boat out to sea 
Or dashed to bits on the reef. 

The vessel groans 
The ocean pressures its frame. 
To the port I see the lighthouse 
Through the sleet and the rain. 
And I wish for one more day to give my 
Love and repay debts. 
But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west. 

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm,
But this ain't the Dakota,
And the water's so cold, 
{We} won't have to fight for long. 

(This is the end.)
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,
(This is the calm.)
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath,
(We are the risen.)
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea,
(After the storm.)
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean,
(Rest in the deep.)
I know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart.
(Washed up on the beach.)
You know that you are not alone, I need you like water in my lungs.

This is the end.

...You never do see any other way...


Call it a lullaby.

I can imagine.
I watch you exit the room, carefully, you choose your steps as you drift away.
I love that when you fall down, you always get back up.
You fear nothing, and listen to everything.
I love the way you blast the world.
I love the way you smile.
I love the way you take my hand and squeeze it.
Thanks for making me believe,
When I believed in no one.
Thanks for the way you see you, and even more for the way you see me.
Please don't cha-cha without me.
Let's dance in a cage? They can watch us lovers, like rare tigers.
Don't segregate me, let us be free. Free together. Soar away.
Like doves. Be my love bird, my tiger, my dance partner. Be my everything. I'll give you my all.



Just one word becomes the eye of an uproar. A feeling,an inspiration,a smile,a tear. I picture paper fans, and Italian music,lovers holding hands, and making smoke from flour, and sun roofs, closed up in a room forever. Laughing at moon-lit nights and guarded by being indomitable. this is where I run into golden skies and smell the ocean, watching seagulls fly by the sand dune shoreline.



Sometimes I feel as if I don't post enough about the good days. I don't like that, because I am generally speaking, a very happy person. The harsh, jagged days that leave me disheveled always just seem to be what I vent about. It's not even on purpose, but it happens. Today, however, was superb. It is funny how one simple thing can make your day go around. How it can put a spring in your step, and keep a lighted smile on your face and glisten in your eyes. How suddenly you can not be tired because of too much joy. I had that today. Even at work. Even though someone made a complete ass of himself. It was brilliant. I felt alive. Joyous. Most jubilant. I am thankful. I feel light, lustrous, and radiant.  I may not be outshining the moon or stars, but I'm pretty damn close. For now. Even though I am stressed about money, and relationships, work, and all of the general things that go with typical LIFE, I am happy. Now I am going to drink a glass of wine, and read awhile. I like this feeling. Let's keep it around, huh?


alcoholic summer

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell."
― C.S. Lewis

I don't want to be perfectly safe from love. I want to feel love in it's realness. Real quality. Genuineness. Not cheap lies, forced with patient smiles. Don't feed me that. I deserve better. We all do.

[love] (luhv) 

  1. profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
 3.sexual passion or desire.
 4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.


Rip the earth in two with your mind
Seal the urge which ensues with brass wires
I never meant you any harm
But your tears feel warm as they fall on my forearm
I close my eyes for a while
And force from the world a patient smile


slump down.

i can never recall a morning where i look at the time and am satisfied with the blinking numbers on my screaming alarm clock.the sun, still waking up itself, stretches out it's long, golden arms above my window pane.  birds mock me to get out of bed.
the other side of my bed is cold. my fingers stretch out over the rippled material of my mattress to find nothing. always nothing. silence. no good mornings or exchange of words.my morning coffee can never come soon enough into my hands. 
a smile from the other side would be nice. a gentle touch across my shoulder. reassurance that everything is going to be okay, because we have each other. is it possible to miss someone you have never met? how is it that i crave ocean sunsets, and salty air when i have never seen nor tasted them? how do i know i want love if i've never felt it? why do i want someone to take hold of my heart and squeeze it? where does that come from? 
after finally waking up i take a shower and scrub all of the night away, the make up, the scent of beauty from my body. i put on a thick, burly sweater, my skinny jeans, and converse. and begin to brave the day away...alone. i know it will repeat in the morning--these feelings of anxiety and want. i sometimes would rather feel nothing at all. 


Travel Bug.

I need to travel.
A new canvas.
I want it so bad, more now than ever.