“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis

     I don't want to be vulnerable. I am scared of love. It takes me a long time to truly love someone. I build walls instead of bridges. It's a protection mechanism. I have a love for sensory-- for tangible things. I love holding hands. I love staring into eyes from a corner booth, wordless. Expressions. But to truly give love to someone? I feel trapped then. Entangled. I always get hurt in the long run. Sometimes I feel that it would be better to never claim to be more than a one night stand. But that's wrong too. There's not a drug for heartbreak. Alcohol and cigarettes don't do enough. It's never enough. There's always so much more at the surface, like bacteria on the head of a pin.